Ewan does a TMI Questions Thing (and hates himself for it)

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Lets learn a little about me. 150 Questions about me. All of which I found online on a random website two years ago. First did this on blogger, gonna copy the exact same questions from that. Hopefully you all learn something about me. Even more hopeful that you don’t. Read on. Lots of text ahead, good luck.

1. What are you wearing?

Why do you care? I’ve got my jacket on because it’s winter time in the Kingdom of the United. Bloody freezing, and slippers, all Brits have to own slippers, otherwise we’re sent to the place.

2. Ever been in love?

With myself, yes. Boom, next question.

3. Ever had a terrible breakup?

Nope, they’ve all been fine with me, very happy with my current relationship anyway so who cares about the past.

4. How tall are you?

I literally have no clue. Near six foot I think.

5. How much do you weigh?

Too much

6. Any tattoos?

Nope. Don’t have any wont have any.

7. Any piercings?

Nope. Don’t have any wont have any.

8. OTP?

Listen right, the first time I did this I didn’t know what OTP meant. I know what it means now and I couldn’t give a shit about it. Christopher Lee’s Dracula and Gene Wilder’s Willy Wonka. A match made in heaven, literally, if you consider where they are currently…

9. Favourite show?

Oh blimey that’s a loaded question. It’s a toss up between Scrubs, Peep Show and Breaking Bad.

10. Favourite band?

Rubber

11. Something you miss?

My keys, I don’t honestly know where I’ve put them.

12. Favourite song?

The Coral – Dreaming of You OR Madness – It Must Be Love

13. How old am I?

16, 17 on Christmas Day.

14. Zodiac Sign

December is Capricorn isn’t it? I’m not big into zodiac stuff anyway. Unless you’re talking about the Zodiac Killer. Well blimey that’s what you meant is it? The Zodiac Sign is a very common sign that can be found in every photo of evidence to do with the Zodiac Killings if you look close enough. Go on, take a look.

15. Quality you look for in a partner?

Street.

16. Favourite Quote?

Probably this snippet of conversation I had with a Swedishfriend on Steam about Brexit:

Friend: have u left eu yet?
Ewan:  not yet no lmao
Ewan: i hope we remain
Friend: ffs leave already we dont want you inbred fucks

17. Favourite Actor

It’s a toss up again like my favourite TV Show. Dylan Moran, David Mitchell or Rik Mayall

18. Favourite colour?

Purple

19. Loud or soft music?

I literally have no idea what this means. It depends on the volume doesn’t it?

20. Where do you go when you’re sad?

Nowhere, I’m always sad

21. How long does it take you to shower?

0 Minutes, mainly because I prefer a bath

22. How long does it take you to get ready?

Oh hours. I have to apply all my makeup and stuff. It literally takes me two minutes to get ready. Slap a t-shirt and pair of jeans on, grab my phone and wallet, away I go.

23. Ever been in a physical fight?

Yeah but it wasn’t a proper fight. I had two in the same night. The first against my very drunk Irish friend who I uppercutted and the second against my very sober friend who slapped me on the head and I toppled over.

24. Turn on?

Switches.

25. Turn off?

Switches.

26. Reason I write?

Christ you’re just popping up out of nowhere with these questions aren’t you? Right, well. Why do I write? Because I’m good at it is one reason. I wouldn’t write if I was grammatically inept. Secondly because I’m now actually making some money from my articles and also have a publishing offer that I need to reach by the end of the month. Finally because it’s fun. I just like writing and want it as a career.

27. Fears?

Ohhh lots of things. Heights, planes, travelling, ducks, ladders, clowns, spiders, people, physical fitness, sports, healthy foods etc

28. Last thing that made you cry?

The inevitable heat death of the planet and everyone on it.

29. Last time you said you loved someone?

This morning. I always say I love myself to my mirror, gives me that quick boost of ego I need to start the day.

30. Meaning behind your name?

I don’t fucking know, ask Google.

31. Last book you read?

Charlie Brooker – The Hell of it All

32. Book you’re currently reading?

Charlie Brooker – Screen Burn

33. Last TV Show you watched?

Fraiser. Because it was 8 in the morning and it was on in HD, the only other thing was Antiques Road Show I didn’t really have a choice.

34. Last person you talked to?

My brother, he’s actually sat to the left of me playing Everybody’s Gone to the Rapture. That poor sod doesn’t know anything about the game, I’ll let him figure out it’s shit for himself.

35. Relationship between you and the last person you texted?

That’ll have been Ellie, my best friend of many years unfortunately. That’s the one who thinks the Big Bang Theory is the best show ever, and I most certainly proved her wrong.

36. Favourite food?

Cheese, Leek and Ham pasta from Asda. It’s got no Ham or Leek in it, the cheese isn’t anywhere noticable and the sauce is gorgeous. Add 10ml of water and 5ml of milk to the pan, put some butter in a bowl for when you pour the pasta into the bowl and make sure the pasta is sticking to the pan before serving. Genuinely delicious, and for 50p you can’t go wrong.

37. Place you want to visit?

I wouldn’t mind going to Brisbane, Australia.

38. Last place you were?

Downstairs

39. Do you have a crush?

Well I mean I’d hope so, I am going out with someone. It’d be a bit awkward if I didn’t have a crush on them. Also crush implies I will crush them. With a hammer. When they’re least expecting it.

40. Last time you kissed someone?

See previous answer and then ask them, I haven’t got a fucking clue, no short term memory.

41. Last time you were insulted?

Right now, because I’m sat doing this instead of recovering from being ill

42. Favourite flavour of sweet?

I don’t like sweets. I also don’t like you. Yes you there reader.

43. What instruments do you play?

Currently going to start learning how to play guitar. I can play Ukelele and Recorder. The tiniest bit of piano and I sing like a hanging angel.

44. Favourite piece of jewellery?

I don’t wear jewellery, I’m not from a housing estate.

45. Last sport you played?

laughing jk simmons j jonah jameson guffaw

46. Last song you sang?

Oasis – Don’t Look Back in Anger. I was specifically told I was not allowed to sing at any point in the night. Tough shit.

47. Favourite chatup line?

LOVE ME.

48. Ever used it?

Yes.

49. Last time you hung out with someone?

Probably a while ago. Last Tuesday maybe? It was 2 for 1 Tuesday at Dominoes and we spent the entire night watching TV and eating pizza, was pretty good.

50. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?

Open, because I’m a fucking psychopath. Do people honestly sleep with their closet doors open? Do you need to watch your clothes in case they become sentient and strangle you? No? Didn’t think so.

51. Do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from the hotel?

Yes, becasue I’m from the north of England.

52. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?

In, then I can pretend I’m in a cocoon of hatred.

53. Have you stolen a street sign before?

No but my dad has. I was suspicious at first, but one day I got home early and all the signs were there.

54. Do you like to use post-it notes?

No comment.

55. Do you cut out coupons or never use them?

Considering the only places I shop are Amazon and charity shops, no, I don’t use coupons too much.

56. Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of bees?

Whichever killed me quicker. I heartly welcome it.

57. Do you have freckles?

How dare you.

58. Do you always smile for pictures?

I genuinely can’t smile. Honestly I find it difficult and the muscles in my face contort horribly when I smile. I know I’m a sarcy git but this is genuine, it looks like I’ve stabbed someone when I try and smile.

59. What is your biggest pet peeve?

I don’t have a pet called peeve, sorry.

60. Do you ever count your steps when you walk?

Actually I used to when I was a kid, I’d count how many steps it took me from the kitchen to get to my room. Usually about eleven if I tried jumping up the stairs.

61. Have you ever peed in the woods?

I don’t even think I’ve been in a woods before.

62. Have you ever pooped in the woods?

No, I don’t like to feed the bears.

63. Do you ever dance if there’s no music playing?

Well yes, that’s a perfectly British thing to do.

64. Do you chew your pens and pencils?

No you cretin, I have respect for my equipment

65. What’s your favourite video game?

Metal Slug 3

66. What size is your bed?

Bed sized.

67. What is your song of the week?

The song I’m currently listening to, because why not.

68. Is it OK to wear pink?

Yeah, sure, I don’t care.

69. Do you still watch cartoons?

Well yeah, animation is a prominent component in comedy. The Simpsons, Futurama, hell even Wacky Races I still get a kick out of. Yeah, I still watch cartoons and I’m certain a lot more people will do as well.

70. What is your least favourite movie?

I’m going to sound like an entitled prick when I say Hairspray aren’t I? My friends Toby and Ellie made me watch it. I’ve never wanted to hit them so much in my entire life. Also on this least favourite list is the High School Musical series because fuck you that’s why.

71. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some?

Nice try, next question.

72. What do you drink with dinner?

Usually Coke. If there’s no Coke then milk.

73. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?

Nothing, they’re disgusting. Just eat a real chicken.

74. What is your favourite food?

I’VE DONE THIS QUESTION BEFORE

75. What movies could you watch over and over and over but still love?

The Back to the Future movies are a classic that I could watch forever. And then of course Wish I Was Here, Guest House Paradiso, Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz also.

76. Last person you kissed/kissed you?

Winston Churchill.

77. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?

Yes actually,  I was a girl scout you absolute moron. Of course I wasn’t, I barely leave the house, that’s why I have a blog.

78. What games have you played that got your hopes up and turned out to be just OK?

Literally anything released in the past two years. I mean, I’ve played a lot of games over the past few years for my reviewing, but the most recent has to be The Jackbox Party Pack 3. I’d played the previous two, they were great, the third was just, okay.

79. When was the last time you wrote someone a letter on paper?

The 1950s called, they want their question back.

80. Can you change the oil in a car?

I can’t even drive let alone change the fucking oil

81. Wost game you’ve ever played?

I’ve played so many of them. I haven’t reviewed them all though. If you want a list of all my reviews then here:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1HpH1GHKckQmNSNSzIvaTL9MePY9UXmlV9y2vj2_nWvw/edit

If not then just etch in either High School Musical 3: Senior Year Dance, The Slaughtering Grounds or Modern Warfare 2, yeah I went there. I. WENT THERE. BRING IT.

82. Favourite games console?

Gamecube. Oh it was an amazing console. Genuinely is the greatest console of all time go and buy one they’re really cheap.

83. Favourite sandwich

Steak and cheese foot long with a bottle of Coke from Subway. Subway has stopped giving out Coke now and do Pepsi instead.

84. Best thing to eat for breakfast?

I’d kill for some cereal right now, but a bacon sandwich.

85. What is your usual bedtime?

Usually I’ll finish up my writing at about half eleven and get to sleep about two or three in the morning. I wake myself up at eight or nine most days.

86. Are you lazy?

Oh God yeah.

87. What did you dress up for Halloween?

I don’t like Halloween but was forced into going to do separate parties so I went as Gordon Ramsay to one and Bernard Black to the other.

88. What is your Chinese astrological sign?

My fucking what mate? Potato.

89. How many languages can you speak?

I can only speak English and I can barely speak that for fucks sake.

90. Do you have any magazine subscriptions?

I used to be subscribed to Doctor Who: Battles in Time, but it stopped being published so I don’t get that anymore. Obviously.

91. Which are better? Lego or Lincoln Logs

Fuck knows what Lincoln Logs are, so Lego.

92. Are you stubborn?

Yes.

93. Who is better? Leno or Letterman?

Neither. John Oliver.

94. Ever watch soap operas?

Hah, no.

95. Are you afraid of heights?

Oh God yeah I am. I can’t go up step ladders like genuinely I juswt can’t do heights.

96. Do you sing in the car?

I mean, I sing in places there are no other people. So if the car is empty then I’ll throw a few tunes out.

97. Do you sing in the shower?

Nah, I get a bath and I’d probably drown if I sang in the bath

98. Do you dance in the car?

That’s literally impossible. Unless it’s to Hooked on a Feeling wherein you can bang your feet.

99. Ever used a gun before?

Yeah, nerf guns count.

100. Last time you got your portrait taken by a photographer?

I live in the North of England. Do you really thing people are doing fucking photography up here?

101. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

High School Musical yes.
Les Miserables no.

102. Is Christmas stressful?

Nope, it’s my birthday so I have a three day birthday period.

103. Ever eat a pierogi?

A what?

104. Occupations you wanted to be as a kid?

Comedian. Actor. History Teacher. Currently a writer.

105. Do you believe in ghosts?

I’m more of a see it to believe it person, so no not really.

106. Ever had a dejavu feeling?

Nope, I barely remember anything I do so I can’t have dejavu.

107. Do you take a vitamin daily?

No, I’m not 86.

108. Do you wear slippers? 

Yeah.

Okay so I should just point out I really couldn’t give a shit about these questions anymore like Jesus Christ what was I thinking.

109. Do you wear a bath robe?

Who actually gives a shit for fucks sake.

110. Political standpoints?

There, that’s more like it, as if I wrote this question myself. Labour. Democrats. Anything that benefits me really. But I’m loving Labour for Jeremy Corbyn currently and bad luck to the Democrats for losing the election, as they’ve lost they’ve basically killed us all, and I commend them to that selfless act so thank you.

111. What was your first concert?

I’ve never been to one. The only two things I’ve ever seen live are Toy Story on Ice and WWE Smackdown in 2011. Both of them as good as one another.

Fuck it, can’t be arsed to do the rest, I’ve got an article to write up about the education system of this country, skip to the end.

150. Who should answer these questions next?

FUCKING NOBODY.

Go away.

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