An Hour With: Sonic Unleashed

Image result for sonic unleashed logo

A game worse than Sonic ’06. No, I’m not joking. I really wish I was, but I’m not. I bought this game from a charity shop and then played it a year later for my Bean Dive. So now seems like an ample time to play this game again and write a post on it. Mainly because it’s either this or I break the Trivial Pursuit copy out that I’ve been waiting so long to play. Oh joy.

So Sonic is back, it’s the franchise that wont die. Somehow it’s lasted longer than Crash Bandicoot did, it’s lasted longer than Metal Slug did, somehow this blue hedgehog has managed to survive even after monstrous games like this one. Plot wise, Dr. Eggman stole some magic beans or something and that turns Sonic into a werewolf. I honestly have no clue and I’m too lazy to put the disc back in my Xbox so I’ll just go with the magic beans stuff. Honestly I don’t even know if his name is Dr. Eggman in this game, could be Robotnik, could be Kevin for all I care, moving on.

Graphically wise, it’s fine. Nothing ground breaking. The cutscenes, I must say, always look beautiful in Sonic games, hell, I’ll give credit where credit is due, the Sonic ’06 cutscenes looked pretty damn good. But to be fair, so does the ocean, and then the ocean will turn round and drown you. So don’t judge a book by it’s cover. Literally in this case, don’t judge Sonic Unleashed by its cutscenes, because the game itself is utter bloody shit.

As a platformer, it completely flops. It’s awkward to control sonic in the 3D sections where you have to balance on beams and such, and the framerate just tanks when trying to do the fast paced running that Sonic is supposed to be. Combat wise is nothing special either, in fact, it’s just honest to god boring. I’ve honestly got nothing more to say. I don’t know what to say. I’m stumped.

Never before in all my years as a game reviewer and critic have I encountered something so appallingly bad, something so incredibly horrid that I’ve had nothing to comment on about it. I think I might just have to end it here.

Go away.

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