Of course I’m writing more politics, I feel as if I have a duty to dumb this stuff down for the general consumer. So in this article we’re going to be talking about Theresa Mays appointment as Prime Minister, Labours second leadership referendum and we might even throw some Brexit into the mix as well. At least I wont be writing anything about Michael Gove anymore.
The big news is obviously that Theresa May has been appointed Prime Minister. I made a joke on Twitter about her being appointed PM, and I got some angry bitch tweeting me back, here’s the photo for proof.
At that point in time I’d only just heard the news about May and I hadn’t bothered looking into any of her policies or anything like that because I was absolutely certain that we’d be doomed because of Michael Gove. So I lied in the first paragraph, this does have a lot to do with Michael Gove. Gove used to be the Education Minister and after he’d cocked up that job he moved on and bumbled about doing nothing for a bit, then he was a big figure in the Brexit campaign and then began running for Conservative and overall leadership of the country. He was running against a couple other people, including Theresa May but then out of nowhere May was elected and has become the Prime Minister. Now, I know what your next question will be, which is:
Well it’s actually very simple. After a few weeks into the campaign, people began to drop out, with that other woman and Liam Fox dropping out very early on and then it was down to Michael Gove, Theresa May and the one that looks like that guy from The Hunger Games. Plain and simple, the reason May has become Prime Minister is because she was the most popular. She may not have had the name recognition that Gove did, but you don’t need it when you’re Theresa May.
But after doing some research into May (not James May, last time I did that I watched a season of Top Gear) I found out that she’s mixing up the cabinet quite a lot. I’ve looked at the changes and she’s made so many genuinely good changes. Let’s see who she’s brought in, out and shaken all about. I’m sorry about that pun, I’ll never do it again I promise.
Let’s focus on the more positive side of things and look at who’s lost their jobs. Because we can laugh at them now.
George Osborne – Was chancellor, we put him in charge of our money and now it’s all gone. Had to give the red lunchbox thingy back. No relation to Ozzie Osbourne.
Michael Gove – Was justice secretary, it’s ironic that justice has led to him being sacked. Hasbro manufactured robot action figure knock off. Ruined the education system and has now went on to ruin his own career. Still can’t drink water properly.
Nicky Morgan – Ex-Education Minister. Ruined the education system by carrying on Michael Goves “work”. She’s the reason you’re going to fail your future, current and previous exams.
John Whittingdale – Ex-Culture Secretary Minister. Probably the third Chuckle Brother by the looks of him.
Theresa Villiers – Don’t know what she did, don’t really care, but she had to go because she had the same name as Theresa May.
Oh bloody hell. Time to give up on May here and now, let’s see how the Labour party is doing.
Oh bloody hell Labour. Can’t you just keep your shit together for one week? Yes, well, there’s going to be another leadership election because since the party doesn’t like Corbyn, nobody does. Except that’s very far from the truth. The party may not like him, but the public does. He’s doing the right things at the wrong time and to be honest if they gave him a chance then he’d probably do quite alright.
I think the best way to fix Labour is this: Give them swastikas. I mean, it wouldn’t be much difference, they’re already red.
In all seriousness Corbyn is good, one of the few politicians that knows what to do and isn’t ashamed of wearing very cheap looking clothes, almost as if he’s a normal person. But unfortunately that is not how our government works, I don’t want to sound like an anarchist or Super Hans from Peep Show, but the government is just a bunch of suits that will do whatever makes them the most money.
Now that point probably didn’t make much sense, to be fair, it doesn’t. Long story short, Jeremy Corbyn is being outed by his own party because they don’t agree with what he’s doing, even though the public want him to continue what he’s currently doing.
Speaking of Brexit. Gove is a silly bugger isn’t he? After leaving the EU, he wants to make sure that we have trading and friendly relations with every member. THAT IS WHAT THE EU WAS FOR YOU SILLY LITTLE SNOB NOSED CU-
Anyway, here’s what he tweeted:
Insults were hailed towards Gove, with people calling him “a confused bag of mince”, a “haunted pork mannequin” and, my personal favourite, a “back stabbing cockwomble”. What an utter gobbletwonk.
Nice to see all the brexit members doing a full one eighty and going back on whatever they said last time. It’s as if we can’t trust them. And if that wasn’t enough, Theresa May was apart of the Remain group, so there’s something else the leave voters will complain about.