Ewan’s Achievement Bean Dive 2016

What the fuck are you going on about now Ewan? What’s a bean dive? Is it actually 2016 or am I just from the future? Are you sure you haven’t spelt Achievement wrong?

Well, I’ll answer those questions in a condescending manner in one fell swoop with two words.

Read on, fucker.

A Bean Dive is something that you can do on TrueAchievements. Basically what it does is encourages you to get one achievement in every game you have no achievements in, it lowers your completion percentage and it’s an incentive to continue playing games that you would otherwise have never played before. So, for example, I played Turok (which I did an article on yesterday), Transformers: Rise of the Dark Spark and Madden 07.

So what’s the point? Well, if it wasn’t for the Bean Dive then I would most likely not be getting achievements currently and I would’ve let the rest of my games gather dust. Thanks to the Bean Dive I’ve so far finished Wolfenstein: The New Order on the Xbox 360 and I’m also working on completing WWE 2007 and 2008. It’s able to keep me on track of what the hell I’m doing.

If I’m honest I should’ve continued Bean Diving as I did have a lot more games to play, I just couldn’t be bothered because after 38 different games you get a bit bored, especially when it’s 1am and you’re playing Kane and Lynch for a 10G achievement.

It’s a good thing that I did the Bean Dive though, I wouldn’t have started gaming for fun anymore if I didn’t and I’m starting to make my way through the backlog. Although at the same time if I wasn’t going through my backlog I wouldn’t be playing WWE games from eight years ago.

For some strange reason I enjoyed having a backlog. It gave me a sense of pride and I know I sound like an insane hoarder when saying that, but I think I might intentionally buy too many games just so I have too many games to playthrough, because looking at the stack of 239 games next to me, I realise how many I’ve actually played at some point. Whether that be just loading it up in my Xbox or actually getting all the achievements in it.

Doesn’t matter though, I didn’t have time to write an Achievement Unlocked article because I haven’t completed a game in a while that’s worth doing an article on, so hold on a moment while I finish WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2007, 2008 and 2009.

Hmm, this article isn’t that long, I suppose I’ll go through all the games I bean dived, that’ll add a lot of length onto the article and I definitely need a break from WWE.

The Banner Saga 2 – Aselei

To do this all I had to do was travel on the boat for seven days, I literally ignored every side quest and tutorial in the game just for ten gamerscore. Many men and women died on that voyage, but it was worth it.

Rugby World Cup 2015 – First Try

I’m most certainly not a fan of rugby, and for this achievement I had to play rugby, I scored a “try” whatever the hell that is. I slammed an egg-shaped ball into the floor and got three points, I suppose it’s a mix of American Football and Basketball, don’t know, don’t care, moving on.

Defense Grid 2 – Multiple Achievements

Defense Grid 2 is an easy game for gamerscore, however when you play your first game you’ll get roughly seven or eight achievements, which is what happened to me. I got a good 35G in that game after a couple of minutes gameplay, and it’s a pretty good game too, so that’s a bonus.

DiRT Showdown – Crash-Bang-Wallop – Watch a video

Pretty straight forward this one, all I had to do was watch a video replay, very straight forward, fairly decent racing type game though, not a fan of racing though so I’ll give this one a miss unless I’m desperate for achievements.

Gears of War 3 – Level 10

I unlocked this because I’ve played the previous Gears games and it instantly boosted me to Level 10, that was very kind of them and I didn’t even have to play the game to get this achievement.

Gears of War: Judgement – Challenge Accepted

All you need to do for this one is finish the first declassified mission you come across, which is to kill a couple of enemies, to get one of the challenges you need to look for the huge Gears symbols on the walls, they’re not hard to miss.

Grid 2 – Here’s My Number, Call Me Maybe?

I came dead last, don’t laugh. I got an achievement.

Happy Wars – Multiple Achievements

Again, thanks to my progress on the Xbox 360 version, the game offered me a number of items and progression points, and some apologies for whatever happened to the servers while I had the game installed and never played, so I loaded the game up and got 75G. Not bad.

Lords of the Fallen – Bookworm

I picked up a scroll and waited five minutes for the achievement to register. No thanks.

Massive Chalice – Keep Defending

I’m actually a huge fan of this game now, at first I didn’t know what was going on but now that I’ve had a chance to play with it more, I really like it. It’s basically X-Com but with a few different things, like everything. But yes, I can’t wait to play this game again.

Sacred 3 – Ding!

This game was brutally boring and it took me a while before this achievement popped, mainly because the XP in this game takes a very long time to accumulate, this was the easiest achievement in the game too somehow. Ah well, I suppose it’s something.

Madden NFL 07 – Mini-games

I clicked four buttons to get this achievement. Start, Right Stick, A, Xbox Menu Guide, done. Perfect, easy gamerscore is the best gamerscore.

Happy Feet Two: The Video Game – Close To You

No, you may not insult or mock me for playing this game. You may however question my mental stability for spending five British pounds on this game, I have a strange thing for movie tie in games. You have to finish the game in co-op for all the achievements, so I’m going to get my friend to help me finish it. She’s going to hate me when it’s done, so I’ll probably be killed by a controller being caved into my skull, it’s worth it for the achievements though.

Transformers: Rise of the Dark Spark – Aligned

I fiddled about with some sliders until the achievement unlocked. Hooray!

WWE Smackdown vs. Raw 2009 – Congrats are in order

I had to win my first match. I kicked the shit out of John Cena. It was pretty fun.

World of Series Poker: Tournament of Champions – Casino Events

Surprisingly, I’m fairly good at poker, I didn’t really know what I was doing and managed to come second in a hard game, no matter what position you came, you unlocked something, whatever it is unlocks this achievement.

Zone of the Enders: HD Collection – KO Neith

I shot some anime robots and watched a shit load of tutorials. But for 20G I guess it was worth it.

Turok – Impaler Ribbon

This was actually quite a pain in the arse to get, I played about an hour into the game and just managed to get the achievement after timing it correctly, never want to play that game again.

Wheelman – Jump in my Car

I had to perform a stunt, so I flew through a window. To be honest this game isn’t too bad, I enjoyed my time with it and got to blow up some cars by slightly ramming into them with my wing mirror.

Wanted: Weapons of Fate – I am in control

I finished the tutorial, the game takes the piss out of the player before you begin. Fuck this game.

Star Trek – Beat Helios-1

I enjoyed this game, sue me.

Don’t sue me. But yeah, it was kind of alright, I mean, I know it’s a travesty to gaming but the original cast are all voicing their respective characters so to be honest it’s not too bad.

Age of Empires: Castle Siege – The Dark Ages

Another one for finishing the tutorial, easy.

Sonic Unleashed – Basher

This game was worse than Sonic ’06, I kid you not, it was genuinely quite horrible. I never want to play it again, but that 10G was very tempting.

Spider-Man 3 – Mega Tourist

I climbed up the Empire State Building and took a photo of the floor expecting the achievement to pop, turned out it was the wrong building. I’m glad I know my American Landmarks.

Stormrise – Qualify for Duty

Again, finish the tutorial. It’s a mech game, so it’s probably shit. I didn’t stick around to find out.

Timeshift – Look What I Can Do

I walked on water, like I was a fictional character from that book them people wrote.

Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six Vegas 2 – True Identity

Similar to the original Vegas game, you use the Vision Camera to take a photo of you and use it as your in game face. The side of my face wouldn’t work, so I used a photo of Frankie Boyle and that worked, creating a horrifying result in the process which I deleted immediately after.

Tom Clancy H.A.W.X – Operation Ghost Rider

All I had to do was finish the first level, fairly straight forward, also I am not good with fighter jets, jets or fighting apparently.

Scene it? Box Office Smash! – Background Artist

So I like movies, I somehow managed to achieve 20,000 points in the first round, yes, I know, I brag a lot, sue me.


Section 8 – First Drop

Complete the first mission of the campaign, no problemo, it was very boring, the controls are weird and there’s some achievements no longer available.

SEGA Superstar Tennis – Cameo Appearance

I accidentally twatted the Super Monkey Ball guy in the face with a ball and got some gamerscore for it, the way that franchise turned out, I’m proud of my actions.

Pro Evolution Soccer 2009 – First Glory

I honestly don’t remember winning, but apparently I did. Ah, the benefits of having no short term memory, I can’t remember what games I’ve played, so I don’t need to remember wasting time with them.

Project Gotham Racing 3 – Track Builder

I spammed the create a track thing and made ten tracks, no problem at all.

Need for Speed: The Run – Current Events

I hit RB, and got an achievement, lovely.

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian – Cair Paravel Custodian

The first two words of that achievement aren’t real and that game is really shit, so let’s not mention it.

Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor – You Will Obey

I did some hypno-toad shit on an ugly bugger, got an achievement for it.

Mafia II – Viva la Resistenzia 

What a weird spelling of Resistance, but I’ll let it slide because it’s an achievement.

Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance – What Doesn’t Kill You…

…makes you stronger, apart from losing a limb. That’ll severely cripple you, because you are now one.

And that’s that, my Bean Dive was a success, my completion percentage dropped exponentially and now I’m forcing myself to play bad games for no reason, hooray!


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