Ewan Rants: Top Gear

This and that. They sum up everything I’m about to say very well, but if you want a more cynical look, then read on.

So, again like I usually do, at time of writing this is new information. It happened yesterday, so 29/05/16, but now I’m writing this on the 08/06/16 and this will probably be published in two weeks time. Anyway, I’m going off topic.

Top Gear recently got rebooted after a number of things went wrong, a number of people were punched and a number of people were upset at about how shit the new show was.

Mainly, people were upset about how the walking racism pot that is Jeremy Clarkson would not be present on the new show. However the other problem was, now that Clarkson had been sacked, discount Stephen Fry and the one that’s a powercut away from death have decided to also walk out on the show and go to Amazon Prime. They’ve made a new show which I’m going to call “The new Top Gear”, because Chris Evans doesn’t want me to.

From what I can tell, the new Top Gear is going to feature the original three presenters in a very similar format. But Evans definitely seems jealous as hell. Let’s have a look at something he said:

So they’ve got May, they’ve got Hammond, and, yeah, him, that third bloke, and they’ve got most of the old Top Gear production team, and cars and jokes and stunts and stuff, but that’s it

Yeah, they’ve got everything that made Top Gear great, so why would you not want that? I’d happily buy an Amazon Stick thing just to watch the new Top Gear, I definitely prefer it over whatever the hell this is. You listed everything good about Top Gear you think cunt.

I think one of the main problems is the amount of cast members, as seen below:

So from left to right we have…

Discount Lenny Henry
Joey from Friends
Dick head
A preset Fallout character
A David Baddiel impersonator
Jeremy Clarkson in disguise

The ratings of the show are horrible, they dropped to roughly half of what Clarkson’s Gear got and they then dropped a further 1.7 million viewers so

There’s a number of problems with that cast. Firstly there’s too bloody many of them. 7 cast members is way too many, usually TV Shows are presented with one to three people, at a push four. All BBC/Daytime/Reality related shows like Top Gear do it. Loose Women (Four, plus one guest), Mock the Week (one host, panel show), literally no show has 7 presenters, Jesus Christ that’s a horrible idea.

A further comment Chris Evans said was:

We’ve got me, plus an exciting lineup of other stars, plus myself, the Top Gear theme tune, me, and of course the authentic Top Gear logo. And me, of course.

Fuck off you pretentious dick. Now sometimes self-centred ego is funny, I seem to pull it off rather well because of how amazing I am. But this little shit is just being plain annoying.  All the “me, me, me” stuff is just plain annoying, no matter who does it, just in this case it’s an asshole so self-centred he thinks he’s revitalised the show and in turn has made it one of the shittiest things in the entire planet.

But y’know what, I can wait until the new Top Gear is out on Amazon. Hopefully that doesn’t have any dick heads on it. Other than Clarkson obviously.


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