Offending everyone by talking religion

Oh Lord. No pun intended there, I decided I’d write a bit about religion and throw my opinion into the seemingly endless pile of opinions on whether religion is believable or not. I’m stating this right now so as to avoid a mass pandemic of people wanting to kill me. I respect everyone’s right to believe in whatever religion they feel, I’m not going to purposefully offend people in this article and if I do then, well, I’m not too fussed. It’s satire for God’s sake (no pun intended), if you can’t differentiate jokes from real fact, then that’s your loss isn’t it.

Now then. I should probably say what religion I am. I’ve been raised a Church of England member, go to a Catholic secondary school and would say my religion is most definitely Agnosticism. That’s basically a fancy word for not knowing whether God, Allah, Buddha or whichever religion’s figure is real or not. I’m pretty much on the fence on the whole “Is God real” debate and being on the fence is a perfect place to be.

On the one hand, I want there to be a God. It’s a scary thought of thinking that there’s nothing beyond the life we have right now, I want there to be something after I finally pop my clogs. However on the other hand, there’s no evidence. I need evidence to support claims. Right now we can only consider Religion as a whole a theory. We have proof that the Big Bang Theory happened thanks to a number of things, including cosmic background radiation, evolution, Richard Dawkins, Asda’s own cheese, leek and ham pasta and science itself.

The main religion in the United Kingdom is the Church of England. I find it quite interesting to consider that this religion was set up literally so that Henry VIII could divorce his wife, he didn’t put any planning into this so the Church of England is really about as well structured as Pastafarianism (which we all know is a load of bollocks).

But to be fair when I started this article I didn’t really know where I was going with it, I just wanted to talk about a topic everyone can talk about. There is literally nobody in this world that cannot give their opinion on what they think of religion. I like to think that comedy helps with views on religion though.

Shows like Father Ted, Vicar of Dibly and so on all show a pretty comedic light of religion. Others such as Ricky Gervais do a comedic tone, but in a different way. They take the piss. I adore people, especially Ricky Gervais, taking the piss out of things.

I remember he did a stand-up routine on Noah’s Ark and basically, as we English call it, “ripped the shit out of it”. He brought up genuinely logical arguments in a comedic fashion and I thought they made perfect sense when you thought about it.

I do want to bring up the causation argument. This is the view that everything has a cause, which means everything on earth happened because something else happened. This somehow links to the fact that God “caused” the universe to happen. Fairly water tight argument I suppose. But what caused God? The argument for this is either “Go fuck yourself” or more frequently in Churches that do not lie in the northern region of England “God was always there”. But he can’t always be there, that undermines your entire argument, if God doesn’t have a cause then why does anything else have to have a cause? If God was just “there” then we can also take this information and say that the necessary components for the Big Bang Theory were already “there”.

Not sure why, but I’ve always wanted to read The Bible and point out that it isn’t a good basis for judgement. Now, I’m not going to be doing that now because we’d be here all week (with Sunday being my day off), but I suppose it’s something we could do in the future. Honestly it’s a real strange thing when people try and use the Bible as a basis for moral grounds. I know it’s your holy book but it’s outdated to hell. The Bible says you can sell your sister, but do people follow that? No. They just like to yell that homosexuality is a sin. They’re very selective with the information they use. You could probably read through the Bible and notice that every argument for something has also got a counter argument somewhere in a different part of the book.

I just realised that I feel like I’m writing another RE assessment and to be honest I don’t want to do that, I’ve had enough RE for one lifetime.


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